The sneeze that tickles, but never comes.
A knob of someone else’s chewing gum which you unexpectedly find your hand resting on under a desk top, under the passenger seat of your car or on somebody’s thigh under their skirt.
The most deformed potato in any given collection of potatoes.
A long and ultimately unsuccessful attempt to undo someone’s bra.
Any garden implement found in a potting shed whose exact purpose is unclear.
The light breeze which blows through your armpit hair when you are stretched out sunbathing.
Gifted with ability to manipulate taps using only the feet.
A polperro is the ball, or muff, of soggy hair found clinging to bath overflow-holes.
The substances which emerge when you squeeze a blackhead.
The absurd flap of hair a vain and balding man grows long above one ear to comb it to the other ear.
Measure of distance (equal to approximately seven eighths of a mile), defined as the closest distance at which sheep remain picturesque.
An embarrassing mistake arising out of confusing the shape of something rather rude with something perfectly ordinary when groping for it in the darkness. A common example of a tegucigalpa is when a woman pulls a packet of Tampax out of her bag and offers them around under the impression that it is a carton of cigarettes.
That part of a kitchen cupboard which contains an unnecessarily large number of milk jugs.
An ornate head-dress or loose garment worn by a person in the belief that it renders them invisibly native and not like a tourist at all. People who don huge conical straw collie hats with ‘I Luv Lagos’ on them in Nigeria, or fat solicitors from Tonbridge on holiday in Malaya who insist on appearing in the hotel lobby wearing a sarong know what we’re on about.